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The Love Fix

Apr 1, 2022

Carla and Sherry start the episode talking about how much is too much when sharing vulnerable parts of your life on social media, and then take a Love Fix question on discerning what trauma is from the past or present in a relationship. They then welcome clinician, consultant, author, and internationally-recognized speaker Deb Dana, LCSW. Deb talks about the polyvagal theory and how it informs her work with trauma survivors, how we all have a biological need for co-regulation, and the importance of therapists being anchored in their own regulation before working with clients.


What You’ll Hear In This Episode:

  • How can oversharing be a trauma response?
  • Love Fix Question: How do you tell the difference between past trauma and current trauma in your relationship?
  • Deb explains what the polyvagal theory is, and how neuroception can play out in a relationship.
  • Learn more about Deb’s Rhythm of Regulation courses, along with how to work with Sherry and Carla on overcoming codependency, dating, break-ups, healing from toxic relationships, and gaining confidence.
  • The different ways our nervous system responds to how safe we feel, why it’s important to regulate our nervous system.
  • What happens when we interact with people and situations that make us feel unsafe?
  • What happens to the nervous system with a codependent?
  • How does early trauma show up in the polyvagal system, and is there hope for someone to learn how to self-regulate?
  • How to support the safety of secure attachments.



  • “If you haven’t resolved early trauma, then you probably are bringing old trauma into the relationship.” — Sherry
  • “I’m attempting to navigate the world of dating, finding a partner, and staying in a relationship, and what state I’m in is going to determine how I’m experiencing that moment in time.” — Deb
  • “The first rule of therapy is the therapist has to be anchored in that place of regulation.” — Deb
  • “These small moments add up. So notice the small moments.” — Deb
  • “Trauma survivors are exquisitely attuned to picking up those cues from other nervous systems.” — Deb
  • “I want to honor the way neuroception has acted in the beginning and continues to act.” — Deb


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Deb Dana

Rhythm of Regulation | Anchored


Today’s episode is sponsored by Carla’s book Contagious Love: Break Free from Codependency for Damn Good and Sherry’s book Love Smacked: How To Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency To Find Everlasting Love.


Thanks to Contagious Love and Love Smacked for sponsoring this episode.


Brené Brown